January 17, 1942 – July 11, 2023
BUXTON — Thomas B. Gray, Jr. “Tommy” passed peacefully from this world and to the next on Tuesday, July 11, 2023. He was 81 years old. Tommy suffered a fall, which resulted in several subsequent surgeries. His heart, having been so big and generous during his time on earth, was simply not able to endure.
Tommy was born on January 17, 1942, in Gastonia, NC. His mother had returned to be with family in her western NC home while her Hatteras Island native husband was serving his country overseas. After his father returned, the family moved to Norfolk, VA. Tommy attended Norview and Princess Anne High Schools where he was a member of the football and baseball teams, Kappa Phi Delta, and class vice president. Many summers he would return to Buxton and work as a lifeguard. Upon graduation from high school, he attended East Carolina University for one year before transferring to and ultimately graduating from Old Dominion University in 1965.
Although Tom began his professional career as a schoolteacher, he quickly recognized new opportunities in the evolution of computer sciences and transitioned to a data processing position with the City of Portsmouth. This began his long, successful career in what became the world of Information Technology. In 1982, when he returned home to Hatteras Island, Tommy dabbled some in family real estate before embarking on his twenty-seven-year tenure with Dare County in October 1983 until retiring in October 2013. Having gleaned early insight from his programming position, Tom joined the just burgeoning Data Processing Department, eventually becoming the Director of the rebranded Information Technology Department. His role as the IT Director helped usher Dare County into the age of the internet. He would be remembered for overseeing large and impactful projects that improved access to technology for the citizens of the county, including an enhanced E911 program, voiceover IP phones, and GIS mapping. Tommy also served as the coordinator for the Hatteras Island branch of the County’s Emergency Management incident command team. His family recalls the days of only landlines where, whenever a hurricane was approaching, the phone started ringing early and often with folks asking his opinion about the upcoming storm, which he was sure to be tracking with thumbtacks on a large map on the wall.
Tommy was always an avid outdoorsman. In his early years, he enjoyed playing tennis, waterskiing, refereeing basketball, umpiring and coaching baseball and softball. He relished surf fishing and boating, but his primary love was deer hunting. Between the months of October and January, he was likely either heading to Bertie County or planning the next time he would. The only thing he enjoyed more than hunting itself was taking others hunting. Even when he was no longer physically able to climb a tree stand, he looked forward to preparing for the upcoming season and taking the drive with his hunting buddies. His generosity of spirit clearly shone on friends, family, and strangers, when he returned from his hunting trips, laden with fresh produce from local farmers to share. His broad smile and quick wit ensured he never met a stranger. Tommy was also a big supporter of Cape Hatteras Athletics, a fixture in the bleachers in his red and black windbreaker for many years, supporting his children. He was a member of Buxton United Methodist Church and a 32nd-degree Mason with the Cape Hatteras Masonic Lodge.
He is survived by his wife, Nancy, of Buxton, NC; his children Amy Davis (Brent) of Hayes, VA; Jack Gray of Buxton, NC; Heather Jennette (Leo) of Buxton, NC and “TC” Gray of Charlotte, NC; his brother, Charles Gray (Vivian) of Buxton, NC; and his grandchildren, Travis Robbins and Graham Robbins, of Hayes, VA, Owen Gray, Caden Gray, Harper Jennette, Scarlett Jennette, and Landon Jennette, of Buxton, NC, and many cousins and friends, who were like family. He was preceded in death by his parents, Thomas B. Gray, Sr., and Winnie W. Gray; daughter Jennifer “Jenny” L. Gray; niece Carol D. Gray; and many aunts and uncles.
A gathering to celebrate his life will be held at a later date – sometime in the fall, when the air begins to chill, and the leaves become crisp underfoot; when the well-trained ear leans in and listens to try and discern whether the snap of a branch is from a playful squirrel or an elusive whitetail buck, for this is the time that Tommy and his friends felt truly alive.
Twiford Funeral Homes, Outer Banks, is assisting the family with arrangements. Condolences and memories may be shared at www.TwifordFH.com.
